Self Love is True Love

It is one of sexuality's most misconstrued ideas that the person you should be thinking of pleasing first is your partner. Ultimately, in a mutually beneficial sexual relationship, it is absolutely the case, however, I would argue that this is only ever possible if each partner (there could be more than two) is inherently focused on their pleasure. Does that mean I approve of selfish lovers ? As everything in sexology the devil is in the detail. What is important is what is behind the selfishness. A person who only sees their partner in terms of the pleasure they can give them is to be avoided. It is very likely that the partner is not seen as a SUBJECT but as an OBJECT or as I heard very delicately put in a series: "a mouth is a mouth to you". Needless to say your satisfaction may not take top billing. The selfish lover I am talking about has matured into their sexuality and sees their partner as an individual with their own needs and desires and the shared sexual experience is one pleasing the other as well as pleasing oneself. It usually means that the more evolved sexual partners are tuned both to their sexual responses and to those of their partners. I know that generosity is often the quality you hear quoted as the best quality in a lover but if the person is not generous to themselves, it may be nice for the recipient but what of them in the sexual relationship? It is an interesting question because a number of women who don't have orgasms during penetrative sex say they don't mind because they derive some satisfaction at making their partner happy. In the case of some men, they may be so intent in satisfying their partner that they may either lose their erection or suffer from delayed erections. So, when it comes to pleasure, maybe take a leaf from the air safety industry: secure your own oxygen supply before you look after your loved one.